How to Not Be a Clingy Friend

You're in my bubble, man. In my bubble.

Phil has a funny habit of being clingy. But that's not really that great. Because he was so very clingy, his few friends refused to save him when he was stuck in the stomach of a whale and he got digested. Don't get stuck in a whale's stomach. Stop being so clingy.

Firstly, make other friends. You can make friends with a pillow, or a dinosaur, or a human, of you please. Just center your world around a bunch of things, and try not to be that guy who has nothing else to do but sit around and wait for one person's schedule to open up. That's really awkward sometimes.

Don't be the crazed text monster. Phil used to have a friend named Bob. Bob and Phil were doing fine, going for slushies, cups of coffee. Then Phil decided to text Bob, "What's up, you smiley donut, you? Coffee?" Oh, and this was the seventeenth time he texted it. Forty days later, Bob texted him back. Five seconds after, he got a new text from Phil. As a result, Bob hated Phil's guys. And that's really not a good thing.

Best friendship goes both ways. No, friendship does not sleep with either gender, but if you have a best friend, you have to be their best friend too. Or else it will be really weird. 

Don't act on jealousy. Phil is a jealous person. I mean, who could blame him? His last date had 32 other dates at the same time. But be nice to your friend's other friends. Even though you may normally solve problems by politely explaining the situation with a baseball bat doesn't mean that's a good way to keep friends. Because in most cases, it's not (but there are a few exceptions).

You don't need to check up on them every day. If you see them, you shouldn't avoid them, but don't stalk people. Phil already tried that and it didn't work.

And most of all, try not to be dependent on just one friend. Because what if someone gets hit by a bus? Or they join a circus in Belgium? Or somebody decides to eat them? Having backup friends is never a bad idea (just don't let them know they're backup friends).

Up next: The Ultimate Guide To Polite Internet Stalking

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