5 Classic Ways to Ask Someone Out

If you're honestly reading this because you want advice from Phil about dating, all there is to say to you is shame on you. Really. Even though Phil has a bunch of weird, awkward and slightly creepy ideas on how to ask that special someone out, he's still a total loser. Don't let him fool you.

But be sure that you're not really being creepy, don't try this at home, disclaimer, disclaimer, and fall so madly in love that you're your true, beautiful, balding self. Enjoy, nuggets.

Yes, Phil's bald and he's beautiful. Stop judging.

Operation Expensive Present. Okay, so recently Phil witnessed the asking out of a close friendliness a public setting. The guy was kind of a mean person. But he was let down easy. Why? Because in his hand was a remastered version of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Guilt them into being nice to you. So let's review.

1.) Buy the gift.

2.) Give the gift.

Be sure to ask them to date you with the phrase, No pressure.

Operation Study Buddy. If you're still in school, you could always ask your crush to study with you, or review for a test. Phil and his team of researchers suggest scattering random love messages in a stack of educational note cards. Don't place them too far apart in the pile, though, or the love interest might forget the message on the last card. That would be a little bit awkward. To recap:

1.) Write romantic message on notecards.

2.) Write lame educational stuff on the rest of them.

3.) Mix them together evenly.

4.) Propose study session and let them look at the notecards.

5.) Watch anxiously and when they get to the last message, yell, So what do you say?

Operation Ask In Front of People. This one is great for people who don't mind being total wads, and it pairs well with Operation Expensive Present. Basically, buy someone a diamond ring or something and ask them in front of a bunch of lovesick teenagers. This way, they can't reject you without looking like a heartless monster. It works.

1.) Buy an amazing gift for them.

2.) Approach them in a super public setting.

3.) Call for everyone's attention.

4.) Give them the amazing gift.

5.) Watch them drown in guilt.

Operation Simplicity. For those who want to come off as deep, cheap, and romantic, this lovely proposal requires almost no money at all and invincible pride. So, in short, this is for the broke and shameless. All you need to do is get a piece of running thread from your sweater, a choppy pen, a cheesy love quote, and an affordable setting.

1.) Take your love interest to a polluted pond.

2.) Tie the piece of loose thread around xir finger.

3.) Say, "Our love is simple, not superficial, and totally beautiful, lik this ring."

4.) Give them the chewed up pen.

5.) Say, "Love is permanent. Like this pen. Can we date?"

Operation Stay Put. This one is pretty easy; all you have to do is sit and wait until your love comes to you. Do nothing, say nothing, just sit and stare at them like this:

Because what's the point? Simple steps:

1.) Do absolutely nothing.

2.) Watch romantic comedies.

3.) Complain about the cruel world.

4.) Netflix.

5.) Wait for life to come to you.

6.) Watch as your crush falls in love with someone else.

Thanks for reading! Share any other awkward relationships you know about and comment below. Just don't be a jerk. <3